Hello Sweet Friends!
I can't believe it's been since December since my last entry. The past 8ish months have felt like I an emotional roller coaster that I can't get off. Grief is such a complex emotion. It's an emotion that looks and reacts differently to everyone. I can attest to this because everyone in our family has handled the loss of Erika differently. Thankfully there is no right or wrong was to grieve, I'm just thankful that we are. Professionals say if you don't grieve right away you will later on in life. The later on in life can be more messy then the now.
This past weekend Josh & I had a weekend away and stayed in Deerwood, MN to mountain bike Cuyuna State Recreational Area. We had heard about this park last year and had read that the trails were in a league of their own; they are nationally ranked! Who knew we had a gem so close to home? We biked Friday night and Saturday afternoon and it was an amazing experience!!
As I was out on the trails white knuckled, heart racing, not always knowing what to anticipate what was around the corner I had an epiphany. These trails were a metaphor of what the past two years of my life has been. At times life has been an uphill battle with many bumps in the road. Life has felt out of control and overwhelming. There were many different paths to take, but if I misread the map I would get off course. Just like in life, I have choices to make to stay on the right path, when I try to do life my own way I get off course. Through it all Jesus was there to hold me, to pour his love out on me. He met me where I was at every time. He rejoiced when I rejoiced and cried when I cried. On those trails all I could do was trust. I had to trust in my abilities and trust that the Lord will protect me.
Mountain biking I had to keep my eyes fixed on what was ahead, if I didn't I could crash (and I did) or fall off the side of the cliff (I almost did). That too is symbolic of the last year. My eyes have never been so fixed on HIM, I knew that if I didn't fully rely on him for everything that life could get messy. I knew that I needed to reach for the sword, the Word of God, to use that to protect and help heal our family.
Cuyuna was absolutely beautiful. We remembered to "stop and smell the roses" and took in some breath-taking scenes. These moments, too, were part of my epiphany. Even though we have been grieving we also have had reason to celebrate; to relish in the moment. The birth of our third son, Blake Alexander, happened, our boys have reached new milestones in their lives, my sister, Eva, got married and summer has happened!
This weekend has felt healing. I love it when moments like this happen and I least expect it. It was so fun to spend time with my husband and to be able to be outside in God's nature!